Wake up, sheeple. I should hope that at this point everyone realizes we live in a heteronormative white patriarchal cissexual male society, but do you actually realize how often we are subconsciously bombarded with images that reinforce this on a day-to-day basis? Of course not. You just go on sucking it all in, like a greedy horse at its feedbag. It might even be cute if it wasn’t so sickening.
I’m referring, of course, to the ever-pervasive phallic symbol. Whether it be Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber, Don Draper’s plethora of cigarettes practically pulsating with raw, aggressive male sexuality, or the genital beast that is the Hogwarts Express, we are constantly inundated with images of penises in pop culture. To the more carefully-trained eye – say, someone who has been intensively studying the written word for nearly three semesters – it is clear that this phallic invasion even occurs on our very campus.
The institution we trust to ensure our future success has been ramming phalluses down our throats for years. Every time the bell tower, which might as well be a giant member with a clock in place of glans, rings, it sings an oppressive song of vaginas being inherently inferior. Meanwhile, the gaudy ‘M’ on our otherwise beautiful Diag draws attention to itself like an obscene, fully erect lingam. And perhaps most shamefully of all, the deluge of trees we are so proud of having adorn our fair campus literally penetrate up through Mother Earth herself in a bold attempt to impress passersby.
In a perfect world, all of these things would be removed, but I am a realist. So I implore you, challenge the world around you! Refuse to be seduced by our male-worshipping culture! Help free our society from the unhealthy association with the phallus as a symbol of power! After all, the penis is nothing but a social construct anyway.
Originally published: January 2013