John Kerry Getting Hooked On Sex And The City DVDs Left Aboard State Department Jet

Senior officials confirm that newly-inducted Secretary of State John Kerry has become “very invested” in the Sex and the City DVD box set left aboard his government jet. As the United States’ top diplomat, Kerry spends much of his waking life in a security-enhanced Boeing 747, and when not catching up on sleep or preparing to meet foreign heads of state, he reportedly avails himself of the 1998 HBO program, presumably left aboard by either Madeline Albright, Condoleezza Rice, Hillary Clinton, or Colin Powell.

In addition to sitting cross-legged and reading aloud as he types policy briefs on his Apple iBook, The Secretary has made several very public references to the Sarah Jessica Parker comedy. During a state dinner in Berlin, Kerry swilled at least four cosmopolitans before telling German Chancellor Angela Merkel “Girl, you may dress like Charlotte, but you are a feisty bitch just like Samantha. Don’t let any Greek men get you down!”

Sex is reportedly beginning to influence Secretary Kerry’s diplomatic philosophy as well. When asked his opinions on the rapidly deteriorating situation in Syria, Kerry responded “Ooh, Syria, I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Big left Carrie at the altar. But if those two could make it work and finally say ‘I do,’ I don’t see any reason why they can’t talk things out in Damascus.”

At press time, the Secretary invited North and South Korea to come over to his place to watch Eat, Pray, Love in hopes that it would help them “understand and accept each other’s differences.”

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