Student From Upper Peninsula Doesn’t Understand People’s Problem With Snow

ANN ARBOR – Although recent sub-zero temperatures and frigid winds have broken the spirits of students across campus, especially that kid on your floor from California who didn’t know what frostbite was before having his foot amputated last January, Engineering sophomore Abe Augustuske has been seen around campus wearing nothing more than pants and a sweatshirt on even the coldest days of the semester.

“Like, that’s just straight up ballsy,” remarked Don Franklin, a classmate of Augustuske’s, as he donned a third sweatshirt before heading outside. “How he can stand the cold like that, I’ll never know.”

Augustuske, however, maintains that this sort of frigid weather is nothing out of the ordinary in his hometown of Mohawk, a small city thirty minutes north of Houghton, which is a slightly larger city in a slightly less northern part of the northern Upper Peninsula.

When Augustuske was asked whether or not the University should declare snow days when the Ann Arbor public schools do, he responded, “You know what we called snow days where I’m from? Days.

“Seriously, you guys should really stop being pussies about this weather,” he added.

When asked for comment about Augustuske’s imperviousness to below-freezing temperatures, Colin Arkin, Augustuske’s freshman-year roommate, said, “I mean, he’s got a bit more body hair than I do, so that might help him out. He also eats a fair bit, which could give him enough energy to tough it out.”

Mohawk city officials could not be reached for further comment at press time because the entire town has been buried in 13 feet of snowfall, which apparently is quite normal for this time of year.

Originally published: February 2013

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