Jennifer’s RA Reassures Her That He’s Available Anytime She Needs Him

‘Seriously, Anytime,’ He Says

Engineering freshman Jennifer Wilson’s RA reportedly assured her, for the third time this week and seventy-sixth time this year, that, if there was anything he could do for her, anything at all, she should feel free to come to his room and ask for it, day or night.

Sources claim that late Tuesday night, Jennifer’s RA knocked on her door in Bursley Hall and leaned against the doorframe, arms folded. He claimed to have been making the rounds and was just wondering how she was doing. Witnesses say he informed her that if he could do anything to make her a little more comfortable, she should feel free to give him a call. He then proceeded to express surprise that she didn’t have his number and insisted that he put his contact information into her phone, telling her to text or call him so that he would have her number.

“Just in case of an emergency or something,” he reportedly said. He quickly added, “or if you’re just feeling lonely and want to watch a movie or hang out. Or just have a few drinks or whatever.”

Jennifer’s friends stated that Jennifer’s RA has been repeatedly emphasizing his willingness to help her out anywhere, anytime since the beginning of the school year. However, Hannah Parks, Jennifer’s roommate, noted that every time she has tried to talk with their RA about issues such as which classes to take or people being loud in the halls, he would inevitably turn the conversation back to Jennifer, reportedly inquiring as to what she was doing that night, who she would be with, and what she would be wearing.

Witnesses claim that later in the week after Jennifer’s boyfriend came to visit, Jennifer’s RA elbowed into her room to make sure she was alright, asking who the guy was and whether she wanted him to forcibly remove this intruder. He then joked about the necessity of using condoms and said that if she needed any he had plenty to spare.

“I just like to get close to my residents and be there for whenever they feel frustrated or want to talk about how their boyfriends don’t appreciate them,” said Jennifer’s RA.

At press time, Jennifer’s RA was reportedly on Facebook liking all of Jennifer’s pictures from her high-school spring break.

Originally published: September 2013

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