Colorado Wildfires Perfect Setting For Bikram Yoga Retreat

While many Colorado citizens fled from the wildfires threatening their homes and safety, yoga instructor Marcie Rielly’s class “thrived” at the risk of being engulfed in flames after temporarily relocating her Bikram yoga studio into a log cabin in one of the most dangerous burn zones.

Bikram yoga traditionally consists of a series of twenty-three yoga poses performed in temperatures upwards of 100 degrees Fahrenheit, although Rielly’s relocated studio boasts an impressive 2,200 degrees Fahrenheit to help reach “ultimate enlightenment.”

“Spiritually speaking, it was the right move,” said Rielly, defending her choice to potentially endanger the lives of twelve people in order to reach a state of heightened sense of self. “Everyone attending the retreat is an adult in full control of their faculties. In this especially conducive environment, I truly believe we may be able to achieve total and utter nirvana. Or third degree burns.”

Ellen Baker, a student of Rielly’s, was quick to support her teacher’s choice of location for this year’s retreat. “There’s really no additional risk, except for burning to death, I guess,” Baker claimed. “But when you think about it, death isn’t really that different from a permanent corpse pose, is it?”

Rielly and her students could not be reached for further comment at the time of press, but multiple sources claimed they have heard bloodcurdling screams of “Om” and “Namaste” coming from the woods.

“I heard cries coming from the cabin I thought I saw a group of derelicts wander into, but when I heard about the Bikram retreat I realized they were probably crying out in spiritual awakening,” one source commented. “Or maybe it was agony,” he added after a pensive pause.

Originally published: Oct 2013

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