Student Dares To Resist Conforming To Female Beauty Norms

Classmates of LSA junior Amanda Osgood have become increasingly disturbed by her casual clothing, messy ponytail, and apparent total disregards for the rules of society. Osgood reportedly hit a new low on Tuesday when she was bold enough to wear sweatpants to her Econ 101 lecture.

“It’s just sad,” commented classmate Rebecca Barnes. “Doesn’t she know boys are supposed to look at her all day?”

Osgood, who is too goddamn lazy to even put on some sparkly lip gloss, has so far failed to see the problem with her frumpy appearance. “I just don’t feel like I need to dress up when I go to class,” Osgood said.

Reactions commonly range from anger to pity, although some believe there is hope for her yet.

“It’s so simple. If she’d only apply a thick layer of foundation followed by bronzer on her entire face, dust some blush on her cheekbones, blend a couple of eye shadows together on her upper lids, draw a thick line of eyeliner, and alternatingly apply mascara to and curl her eyelashes for about 30 minutes to give her that seductive smoky eye look, she might actually look cute,” LSA sophomore Brenda Porter said. “Of course after that, she’d also have to learn about what to do with her hair and what kind of clothes to wear, but it’d be a start at least.”

So far, however, Osgood has remained immune to common sense and simple advice.

“To be honest, I’m proud that I can be comfortable being seen in public without looking like a model. I’d rather people judge me for my personality than my looks,” said Osgood, who clearly just does not get it.

Originally published Oct 2013.

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