A STORE WITHOUT AUTOMATIC DOORS—Tragedy ensued as a man tried to open the wrong side of the door at a local Tea Haus Tuesday afternoon. Frank Neville, a middle-aged Caucasian man with an affinity for overpriced oolong and catching on to trends late, says he realized something was terribly wrong milliseconds after he began pushing on the left side of the door. “I placed my hand on the door and felt it give for a split second, then a wave of fear rushed over me as the door refused to budge any further,” said Neville, who went into shock just before paramedics arrived on the scene. “The next thing I knew, my extra large green tea with ginseng and jasmine extract was all over my bike shorts, scorching my toned thighs.”
Employees at the Tea Haus who witnessed the incident said it was painful to watch, not just because of the humiliation and agony they knew Neville must have felt, but also because company policy prevented them from making Neville a new seven-dollar drink. “We obviously felt incredibly bad because we weren’t allowed to give him a free tea,” said cashier Jean Richardson, “so we gave him a coupon for one dollar off his next purchase.”
Tea Haus manager Tripp Morgan reports that while the welcome mat made it through the traumatic ordeal mostly unharmed, Neville was unable to be saved from third degree embarrassment.
Originally published Nov 2013