In a move that disappointed his girlfriend, Emily Trainor, area man James Birmingham announced Friday that despite having nine tattoos and several piercings covering his 23 year old body, he is not ready to commit to a serious relationship.
“I really didn’t expect her to react this way,” said Birmingham while scratching his leg that is tattooed with the phrase ‘Endless Love’, “I thought it was clear when we started dating that I’m not the kind of guy that gets tied down.”
Sources claim that Trainor was upset regarding a lack of signals from Birmingham that their relationship was headed towards official status. She had erroneously believed that a man who had decided at the age of 18 that he was ready to have My Chemical Romance lyrics penned on his bicep until death would be a good candidate to hold a semipermanent title of “boyfriend.”
Her hopes were dashed, however, on February the 15th, when their confrontation over the lack of Valentine’s Day activities led to his admission that he just “doesn’t feel ready to commit to something this big.” Said Birmingham, who has undergone severe levels of pain in order to get a satanic buglike symbol irreversibly drawn on his thigh, “We’re just having fun! Why make anything permanent?”
At press time, Birmingham was considering getting Trainor’s name tatooed across his chest.
Originally Published Feb. 2014
