Modern-Day Sisyphus Doomed To Continue Shovelling Driveway In Middle Of Snowstorm

A MADMAN’S PLAYGROUND- After reading a book of Greek Myths in his Great Books course, LSA sophomore Jacob Gonzalez realized with horror that the story of Sisyphus—who was doomed to spend eternity rolling a boulder up a steep hill, only for it to roll back down once it had reached its peak—was highly analogous to the time he has been spending clearing the snow from his front drive, only to have it instantly replaced by newly fallen snow.

“My landlord requires that we keep our driveway and sidewalk clear in case of emergencies,” said Gonzales, growing visibly more psychotic by the minute. “Yet the snow continues to fall. Don’t you see? My mere human actions are laughable in the face of an all-powerful yet indifferent natural force!” Gonzales declared with a maniacal cackle.

Despite Gonzales’s epiphany, however, he has continued his eternal, yet fruitless, toil.

“I have to, I have to, I HAVE TO play into the system, don’t you see?” Gonzales said, with a demented grin. “All the good little mice must roll our stones up the hill of hope, only to be crushed under the weight of our own absurdity. It’s the only thing I’ve ever known!”

“Plus, my landlord threatened to raise the rent if anything obstructed access to our house,” Gonzales added.

“Reality is just an illusion,” Gonzales whispered to himself as he ripped off his shirt and proceeded to roll around in the snow. “Life’s meaning is the few drops of water that we can squeeze out of the parched stone of existence.”

Upon witnessing his increasingly tenuous grip on reality, Gonzales’ roommates offered to purchase a snowblower, but Gonzales refused their offer, insisting that “nothing they could do would have the slightest ripple of an effect in the great, mad ocean that their being resides in.”


Originally Published Feb 2014

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