In a breakthrough scientific study, researchers at the University of Michigan have finally identified the exact particle that causes the Michigan Difference.
“As Wolverines, we all know that we’re the leaders and the best,” chief researcher Dr. Marcia Lovitz said. “But why exactly is that? Up until now, we simply explained it with the blanket term of ‘The Michigan Difference.’ But now, I’m proud to say, we have concrete scientific proof of what sets our campus apart from others.”
The particle, tentatively named Hubris Michiganus, is composed purely of an unusually inflated sense of self-worth.
“We’ve been working for years on discovering what The Michigan Difference is, operating on several different theories,” Dr. Lovitz said. “Some of our colleagues suggested that The Michigan Difference was caused by school pride, caring and knowledgeable professors, or even our world-class facilities. Imagine our surprise when we discovered it was nothing more than the product of a collectively hyperactive ego!”
“When you think about it, it really explains so much,” said assistant researcher Dr. Aadi Singh. “Why we call Harvard the ‘Michigan of the East’, why we refer to a team that has repeatedly upset us in recent years as our ‘little brother,’ why our students feel this incredible sense of entitlement after graduation. Hubris Michiganus just fits so perfectly.”
Students and faculty have so far been incredibly proud of the discovery, just like they are about any tiny little thing that the University does.
“I always knew we were special and different than other schools. Now I guess we have proof too,” said Ross senior Eric Fitzman, a Finance major who for some reason felt completely qualified to comment on an advanced scientific study.
Though the researchers responsible for the breakthrough are incredibly proud of their groundbreaking work, they are still managing to stay humble.
“It’s nothing special. Anyone could have discovered this, really. Of course, it’s no coincidence that this discovery was made at one of the finest publicly funded research institutions in the world,” Dr. Lovitz said.
“Oops, sorry,” she continued. “That’s just Hubris Michiganus talking again.”
Originally published Feb. 2014
