A 20,000 SQUARE MILE RADIUS IN THE INDIAN OCEAN—Though the mysterious disappearance of Flight 370 has caused worldwide concern regarding flight safety, Malaysian Airlines Public Relations Representative Raja Tunku is reportedly elated.
“We are doing everything in our power to make sure a horrific event like this never happens again,” a smiling Tunku told the media on Saturday, completely unable to believe that he was in the middle of a real live press conference. “We have been working around the clock to get to the bottom of the plane’s disappearance,” continued the man who had previously never had more than two hours’ worth of work in a single day.
Malaysian Airlines’ PR team has also been assisting authorities searching for the plane and possible survivors in the Indian Ocean. “Communicating with the families has been very difficult emotionally,” Tunku explained. “I had to tell families that their children will likely never be seen again, but still, it’s so nice to be able to get out of that office! It totally beats sitting at my desk and playing tetris until my vision gets blurry.”
“Of course what happened was a tragedy,” said Tunku’s wife of 20 years, Damia, “But Raja and I have never had such electric dinner table conversation. Usually all he has to tell me about is if they’re doing a ticket promotion or whenever they unveil a new advertising campaign.”
“I have a feeling that they’re going to need a lot of advertising campaigns after this,” she added.
Although Tunku was originally unsure how to improve Malaysian Airlines’ forever tarnished public image as the missing plane is being recognized as a worldwide tragedy, Tunku concluded to reporters, “You know what they say… Any press is good press!”
At press time, it was confirmed by many members of the press that any press is not, in fact, good press.
Originally published April 2014
