ON AN ISLAND OF IGNORANCE— Upon returning to campus from her semester abroad in Paris, France, Angela Hunington said she was both “shocked” and “disheartened” by the limited worldly experience of her friends, classmates, and suitors.
The newly enlightened student’s academic advisor reported that Hunington dropped her English 340 class after being disappointed by a “shitty translation of de Balzac’s La Comedie Humaine.” Hunington has elected to take a course in creative writing instead, intending to craft a short story detailing a romantic picnic with a mature, surely not creepy, 30 year-old Parisian.
Similarly, friends say she has stopped attending their house parties due to the quality of wine. One friend, Alice Jones, says Hunington called her both “cheap” and “immature” after Jones offered the new self-proclaimed Parisian a glass of Sutter Home White Zinfandel. On her WordPress blog entitled Wanderlust, Hunington writes that she feels inadvertently wronged by most American citizens. In the most recent post she details an unfortunate Tinder conversation where a once-promising match compared her experience in Europe to the movie Midnight in Paris. According to Hunington, the young man reduced her culture perspective to the “regrettable and false lens of Woody Allen.”
Hunington, whose tattoo of the Eifel Tower is visible on her left wrist, tells us that she intends to graduate early, pack a single suitcase and return to her Parisian host mother.
Originally Published: Sept. 2014
