According to sources at the University of Michigan Health System’s Center for Gynecology, local man Terry McDaniel was diagnosed with a severe case of hypochondria last Monday, after an appointment with gynecologist Myra Ellis.
“I have never given a diagnosis like this before, but McDaniel’s symptoms were obvious immediately upon entering the examination room,” said Dr. Ellis. “I took one look at him, with his legs spread and his hands placed protectively over his lower abdomen, and I knew. It’s a textbook case of hypochondria.” Upon completing the comprehensive examination, Ellis logged more of McDaniel’s symptoms, such as increased tenderness in the chest and “several” missed menstrual cycles, as well as his insistence upon booking another bi-annual appointment in March. “Even at this late stage of his illness, he appears to have an understanding for the importance of seeing a doctor regularly,” said Ellis. “Though the specialist to whom I’ll redirect him is nearer to the psychiatric wing.”
Those close to McDaniel report a sense of relief upon hearing of the diagnosis. “Terry’s condition is something we’ve wondered about for some time,” said his wife, Linda. “After years of driving him back and forth from doctor appointments— pediatricians, allergists, parasitologists, you name it—we’re glad to finally have a name for the cause of all this suffering.”
Though McDaniel himself is unavailable for comment, his family has released a statement requesting peace as he recuperates in a sterile, high-security room where neither his very rare strains of PMS nor ebola will spread.
Originally Published September 2014
