The first step to making my Grandma Florence’s famous meatballs is to find a nicely marbled ground chuck. Make sure it’s ground chuck, and not ground beef. There’s a difference and Grandma Florence will be rolling over in her grave if you choose the wrong one!
Wait, what do you mean put a joke in the first line to draw people in? Huh. I guess I don’t really get it, but you’re the editor, so whatever. I’ll try it again.
A guy walks into a bar. Ouch! Haha. Ok so like I was saying, the first step to making my Grandma Florence’s famous meatballs is to find a nicely marbled ground chuck. Make sure it’s ground chuck, and not ground beef. There’s a difference and Grandma Florence will be rolling over in her grave if you choose the wrong one!
What’s that? The joke has to relate to the content of the article? Um, ok. I’ll try again, I guess.
So one meatball says to the other meatball “Hey, do you want to know how to make Grandma Florence’s famous meatballs?” And the other meatball says, “Whoah, a talking meatball!” Anyways, the first step to making my Grandma Florence’s famous meatballs is to find a nicely marbled ground chuck. Make sure it’s ground chuck, and not ground beef. There’s a difference and Grandma Florence will be rolling over in her grave if you choose the wrong one!
Oh come on, what now? What do you mean you don’t get the angle of my story? I’m telling people how to make Grandma Florence’s favorite meatballs, that’s all there is to it! What do you mean the joke isn’t obvious enough to the reader? Grandma Florence’s meatballs are no joke, believe me.
Wait, wait, wait. This is a satirical newspaper? What even is that? Satire, like Mark Twain you mean? Okay. Weird. So I have to write something funny, you’re saying? And entertaining? Forget it, that’s too hard. I’m going to take my talents to the Daily.
Editor’s Note: If you would like the full recipe for Grandma Florence’s favorite meatballs, send an email to news@michigandaily.com with the subject line “Grandma Florence’s Famous Meatballs.”
Originally Published: September 2014
