Sophomore Girls Feel Less Welcome At This Year’s Welcome Week

Across campus, female students of sophomore standing have reported a disturbing downward trend in hospitality when comparing this year’s Welcome Week to last year’s. Said LSA student Liana Janes, “All I know is that when I was a freshman, I was regularly invited upstairs to take shots of the ‘expensive stuff,’ and this year I’m drinking warm beer. The men here have really lost their sense of charm.”

These students complain that the decline in friendliness is primarily noticeable among men, and is significantly impeding their enjoyment of the infamous first week back on campus. Janes continued, “Last year, I would walk down Hill Street with fifteen friends, and we would all get into parties no problem. Sometimes guys would just see the big group of us and point us in the right direction. This year I’m waiting in line for an hour outside parties just to be told the place is full!”

Janes and her disappointed peers have no theories as to why their Welcome Week experiences have worsened so drastically. “Lately when I attend a party and meet a guy, things start out so well,” explained Engineering sophomore Christie Gilbert. “He asks my name, my year, maybe one other polite question, but then I can tell his eyes start moving around the room and he’s totally lost interest. Next thing I know, it’s just my friends and me, dancing together, and no one else is approaching us.”

Although Welcome Week did not go exactly as planned, the women of the Class of 2017 have found other ways to enjoy their time before classes begin. Said Gilbert, “I learned about halfway through my freshman year that the best way to deal with a disappointing night out is by eating an entire order of cheesy bread.”

Originally Published: Sept. 2014

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