5 Totally USELESS Classes to Take in Terms of STD Prevention

Michigan’s student body grows hornier every year, but can our curriculum keeping up with our budding hot-n-botheredness? Take any of these seven classes, and you’ll see the answer is a clear “Jesus christ it itches so much, please make it stop.”

  1. SCAND 331 – Introduction to Scandinavian Civilization. By all accounts, a fantastic survey of the artistic, political, and traditions of Scandinavia from the Viking Age to the present. But after weeks of instruction, you will be JUST as likely to get Gonorrhea as when you started! Ouch.
  2. ECON 102 – Introductory Macroeconomics. Your likelihood of getting into Ross could go way up or way down after taking this course. But your likelihood of getting genital herpes? Believe it or not, it’s pretty much the same!
  3. PHIL 303 – Advanced Intro to Logic. Granted, anyone who takes is class is just less likely to have sex altogether. But that was true before they took the damn class! So, if you’re trying to keep that T-cell count up, earn those credits elsewhere.
  4. MATH 217 – Linear Algebra. Interested in matrix algebra, vectors, and linear dependence? Look no further! Interested not becoming a sexual pariah, and maintaining full organ function well into old age? This class ain’t making any promises.
  5. LING 515 – Syntax. They’ll cover the rules of grammar. But the rules of safer anal or vaginal penetrative sex?? Not in THEIR lexicon!

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