Area Asshole Wearing Costume Way Too Early

In a fashion move that has baffled students all over campus, ROTC senior and overenthusiastic weirdo Conor Buckley decided to celebrate Halloween far too early this year, wearing his Army costume a whole week before the 31st of October.

“I get that he’s excited to dress up and all, but just because you bought that costume at Halloween City doesn’t mean you have to wear it all over the place,” said bystander Carrie Bowen, who saw the prematurely costumed douche walking across the diag yesterday morning.

“I mean, the costume was pretty realistic and all, I bet he’s really proud of how it turned out, but Halloween is still weeks away,” said Howard Strong, a classmate of the questionably dressed idiot.
“He’s been doing this for months too,” added Strong, who has apparently had to sit through a month and a half of classes next to this overzealous weirdo. “Every day, it’s ‘sir’ this, or ‘ma’am’ that. Look, just because you have a sick costume doesn’t give you the right be an obnoxious asshat about it.”

Buckley isn’t even the only person wearing the tacky outfit around campus. Residents of the Stockwell Residence Hall have reported that the whimsically dressed dipshit walks around with about 20 other nerds in the same costume at approximately 5:15 a.m. every weekday morning.

“Maybe it’s a pledge thing for their fraternity, I honestly have no idea what those dilawds are doing out there,” said Stockwell resident Stephen Carol. “All I know is, it’s damn hard to sleep when they’re running all over the place yelling ‘hut, hut, hut’ at five in the goddamn morning.”

When asked where he was spending Halloween, the costumed student responded, “Syria,” apparently the hottest Halloween party on campus.

Published Oct. 2014

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