In what has been described as “gross misconduct” by the Athletic Department, the putrid, decaying body of recently deceased quarterback Shane Morris continued to take snaps at UM’s football practice last week.
When interviewed about the matter, coach Brady Hoke said, “As the head coach, it’s not my job to pay attention to personnel changes or the safety of my own players. I can’t keep an eye on every single heap of rotting detritus that goes on the field.”
Offensive coordinator Doug Nussmeier received criticism in the media for failing to notice the stench of death on the field.
According to Nussmeier, “the smell wasn’t any different than a normal day in the locker room.” According to other members of the coaching staff, Morris’ demise and decomposition led to the fewest interceptions Michigan’s offense has seen all year, though communication on the field was a bit lacking.
While the deceased pocket-passer himself declined to comment on the matter, there were many voices in support of Coach Hoke.
Said junior safety Greg Fraser, “Every player has to deal with death and pestilence sometime in their career. I think Shane should just rub some dirt on it, sit out a few games, and come back for Michigan State.”
Michigan’s athletic trainers noted that Fraser is currently suffering from “a light case of gangrene,” but he should be able to “man up and play” by Saturday.
Fans such as junior Kevin O’Neal were in outrage over the blunder in practice.
“It’s totally irresponsible to leave a decomposing quarterback in during practice,” said O’Neal. “It’s disgusting how little respect the coaches have for our deceased student athletes.”
At press time, Brady Hoke was seen burying the remains of Michigan’s offensive line in a shallow grave.
