Congressman Grounded After Receiving 52% Percent on Midterms

Despite his successful reelection campaign, Michigan State Congressman Rex Musky was grounded Wednesday morning after his parents discovered that he only received 52 percent of the popular vote.

“He’s a nice kid and a good congressman, but he really needs to apply himself more,” said Linda Musky, the Republican politician’s mother.

Despite the congressman’s insistence that he could have won with just 51 percent, Musky’s mother called this “another example of Rex trying to get away with the bare minimum.”

Witnesses overheard her reprimanding her son, “Why can’t you be more like that boy in the next district over? I heard he got 85 percent,” referring to Democratic Congressman Chuck Fordon, who ran without major party opposition.

Musky’s race was a close one, fighting challenger Sophia Lang, whose pledge to build a mall earned her an endorsement from the local

chamber of commerce. Musky, according to his father, was often “out with his dumbass friends again” at several black-tie donor events.

“It’s especially frustrating to me because he does so well with white voters over the age of 34,” said Musky’s father. “But when it comes to hispanics and young voters, he just doesn’t even seem to care.”

Along with television and video games, the victorious incumbent’s parents have reportedly taken away his legislation privileges. Additionally, Musky is not permitted to use his cell phone to communicate with constituents.

“Maybe we’re being a bit harsh, but it’s for his own good,” explained Musky’s mother. “He has got to learn that elections are serious business sooner or later.”

At press time, Musky’s parents have agreed to let the congressman cosponsor legislation, but only on the condition that he cannot stay out caucusing past 9 o’clock.

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