Freshman Basketball Player Excited to ‘Give Michigan His All’ Until Moment He’s Eligible for Draft

The latest in a long line of Michigan’s temporary basketball stars, freshman Power Forward Carlos Kennedy confirmed his enthusiasm to finally play big time college basketball, then immediately leave as soon as he gets good.

“I feel a lot of pride when I put on that Maize and Blue, I promise the fans I’ll go hard every time I step on the court,” said Kennedy, “I’m going to give it my all out there, blood, guts, whatever it takes. And just to level with y’all, honestly as soon as the NBA comes calling, I’m gone.”

According to scouting reports, Kennedy has the size, speed and strength to contribute to Michigan’s squad immediately. The 6’9” freshman stands to get a large share of playing time, which will be necessary if he is to demonstrate to pro scouts that he deserves to get out of here as soon as humanly possible.

Basketball Coach John Beilein and his staff will spend plenty of time and resources in the following season developing Kennedy’s abilities. Reports indicate that these efforts will all be for naught come next April, when Kennedy “chucks his deuces

and puts Ann Arbor in his rearview mirror for good.”

“This kid is a real stud. He’s a great playmaker on offense and defense,” said Beilein. “I could see him being a valuable asset to this team for like, what, five months?”

National media outlets have also taken notice of Kennedy’s skills, which will raise the profile of the young man, along with his earnings potential.

“Carlos Kennedy is the real deal. He could bring this Michigan program to the final four if he plays his cards right,” said one ESPN analyst. “Once he’s on the national stage, he’ll have all the exposure he needs to get out of that cold-grey midwestern hellhole of a school. Hopefully his flight out won’t be delayed by some late spring blizzard, that’s what happened to Tim Hardaway Jr. a couple of years back.”

At press time, Kennedy is meeting with several agents, one of whom has already promised him a combo meal from the Burger King at the Union.

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