According to witnesses on South University Avenue last Wednesday morning, a woman exited the Wax Loft at approximately 11 a.m. Upon closing the door clearly labeled with an advertisement for full body waxing, the woman looked to her right and her left, faced downward, and quickly waddled down the sidewalk.
The woman, demonstrating clear signs of a fresh pussy waxing, reportedly “glued her eyes to her cellphone” and didn’t relax her posture until she had traversed two blocks. Before reaching the intersection of South University and Tappan, she disposed of a flyer with detailed information on combatting “bumps, ingrowns, and redness.”
Those in close proximity to the woman, whose pubic region is likely now “smooth as silk” and “ready to rock,” were able to compile further evidence by listening to the phone conversation she began after turning the corner onto State Street. Said witness Carol Franklin, “She did say something on the phone about her long-distance boyfriend coming to town this weekend.”
“She was trying to cover her tracks, and I heard her say that she’d just gotten her eyebrows waxed,” continued Franklin. “But you don’t wince with every step when you get your eyebrow hair ripped out.”
“We all know what she did,” explained onlooker Brian Trivian. “And that boyfriend of hers is sure in for a treat.”
Those on the sidewalk who heard the woman’s “screams of pain” during her time in the Wax Loft speculate that she will be emitting an entirely different type of scream in the coming days.
