Merry Christmas, This Holiday Letter Is a Cry for Help!

Well, another year has gone by and the Dorfmans have been busier than ever! We would like to take this time to wish everyone a happy holiday season, and give you a taste of what we’ve been up to this year in the Dorfman family!

Wow, where to start? Michael and I have hit a few bumps in the road marriage-wise and for a while things were a little rocky, but as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder! Sometimes you need your husband to screw his whore secretary just to grow and get a little perspective, and we’re happy to be reunited and continuing our journey together!

Little Sarah is 13 now and growing up fast! Her body is experiencing some changes, and she’s asking a lot of questions! Sarah’s breasts have begun to develop before any of her classmates, and boy are we proud. Michael and I know we’ll have to watch out for our little heartbreaker! She’ll be beating off boys with a stick in no time!

Jack started his freshman year at Booker T. Washington High School this year, which has been very exciting! Though he has very few friends and is bullied relentlessly almost every day, Jack made third string piccolo for the school marching band! It’s a shame Michael was too busy fucking his coworker to make it to any of the shows, but we’re both still so proud of him!

Michael continues to enjoy his job at Miller Pharmaceuticals, and I am currently teaching first grade at the local elementary school! I received a short suspension after an incident involving after-school dismissal and some wayward oxycodone, but now I’m back on the job and couldn’t be happier!

We are also blessed to have gained a new family member this year: Michael’s illegitimate child, Christian! Though conceived from a 1998 romp in the bathroom stall of an Atlantic City Chili’s, Michael’s bastard has really become a part of the family, and we’re so excited to have the whoreson join us for the holidays!

Well, that’s all for now on our end! We’re thankful that the Dorfman family has remained happy and healthy, and we can’t wait to see what 2015 will bring us! We’re hoping for another great year, and no more surprises from Michael’s side sluts!

Happy Holidays!

Sheryl, Michael, Sarah and Jack Dorfman, and Christian Provakio-Dorfman!


Originally published Dec. 2014

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