Student Puzzled By Roommate’s Bizarre Christmas Decorations

LEWIS HOUSE, BURSLEY—Area freshman Michael Campbell was reportedly taken aback by the bizarre decorations brought in by his roommate, Stephen Weissburg last week.

Campbell allegedly adorned their room with colored lights, stockings and a miniature tree, but was frustrated when Weissburg only contributed “some blue Christmas lights and this weird candle stick thing.”

“I’m all for celebrating Christmas however you want,” said Campbell. “And maybe his family celebrates our Lord and Savior a little bit differently, but everything he’s brought in so far has just been really fucking weird.”

Eyewitnesses say that Campbell also asked Weissburg to get some Christmas candy, and was surprised to find a bag of gold chocolate coins waiting for him when he returned to the dorm later that afternoon. “I mean, chocolate coins are fine,” Campbell said. “But they just don’t exactly scream Christmas, you know? I was expecting candy canes or something a little more traditional. Like something that would be sitting in a dish at Grandma’s house next to a Precious Moments nativity scene.”

“I don’t know,” he added. “Maybe it’s some kind of Lutheran thing, or Baptist. Probably Baptist.”

Hallmate Eric Miller also witnessed the decorations in question and understands Campbell’s confusion, he says.

“I was helping Michael hang a wreath on their door, and Stephen kept trying to get us to play with this weird little wooden spinning top thing,” Miller reported. “He said it was some kind of tradition and his parents get him a new one every year. His family must be really fucking poor or something, I don’t know.”

Campbell continued to stress that students should be open about their different family traditions and the ways they celebrate Christmas, but he wishes Weissburg would be a little more accommodating to Campbell’s personal taste.

“I mean, he wears this necklace every day with a golden snowflake on it, so I figured he’d be pretty into Christmas, but it seems like he’s just putting in zero effort,” Campbell observed. “If he’s not going to help me set up the manger scene, he could at least give me a boost to hang up these paper snowflakes from the ceiling.”

At press time, Campbell was complaining about the “traditional holiday food” Weissburg had made for them, which “turned out to just be some weird crunchy pancakes.”

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