WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an effort to combat neck pain, one of the nation’s most pervasive work-related ailments, officials at the American Medical Association advised the nation’s more than 32 million sufferers this Thursday to try “fucking with it a bit more” and “see whether that helps at all.”
“The standard approach to neck fatigue calls for a careful combination of physical therapy and ergonomic adjustments,” physician Laura Beckett suggested. “But if it’s really getting to you—and I mean, like, completely unbearable—go ahead and try grasping your neck tightly with both hands, twisting that thing around like a jammed door knob, and see whether that doesn’t fix you right up,” Dr. Beckett continued.
Although previous studies have shown a connection between excessive fucking around with one’s neck and an increased risk of osteoarthritis, stroke and even death, Dr. Beckett suggested that acute neck pain sufferers try “seriously fucking around with that thing” until most sense of feeling in the area subsides.
“Sure, there are the old wives’ tales that say people who excessively twist, crack, torque or generally contort stiff or injured necks may in some cases lead to self-induced cervical paralysis,” Dr. Beckett conceded.
“But let’s all remember who the professionals are here, ok?” Dr. Beckett assured the public.
