Hey Dumbass, the Tooth Fairy Isn’t Real

You are such an effing dumbass. The Tooth Fairy isn’t real, you idiot. You still believe that crap? Do you wear diapers, too? You know, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy—that’s, that’s all very BS. Wait you don’t what BS means. It’s like…um… it’s like… uh, well… well, I’m not telling you. Everybody knows what that means, you idiot.

My big brother Tanner told me that the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa and all of that crap is a big scam put on by our parents. Everybody knows that. All of that is just to make us act better but it’s all just a load of crap.

Like, you realize your parents can’t tell you what to do, right? They are just trying to tell us what to do, but they can’t, you know. It’s like… it’s like, you can do whatever you want to do, and nobody can stop you. They lie to try to get you to do things, like be good and stuff. You don’t get it, do you, you dumbass?

When your mom and dad talk about the Tooth Fairy again, yell at them. Tell them that they’re liars and that you know. Watch their faces when you tell them. It’s so funny. Once you tell them, they’ll be like, “Oh no” and like, “Clive, have you been talking to Tanner,” and like, “We told you not to answer if he calls you.”

Don’t tell them I told you. Promise? Tanner can probably get us cigarettes if we ask him. If you keep that I told you that a secret, I’ll let you eat some of them.

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