EL PASO, TX – Sources confirmed Friday that what started out as a simple rehearsing of a potential conversation with a coworker, which was taking place entirely in the mind of AT&T sales associate Joss Goddard, soon became “very realistic, very fast.”
“It started out smooth,” said Goddard, in reference to his daydream. “I just asked her how her day was going and what she was up to later.”
However, despite the completely fictional nature of the conversation he was having with his office crush, Jessie from HR, she politely declined the offer, Goddard confirmed.
“Her quick, fictitious response totally threw me off, so I didn’t really know how to recover,” said Goddard.
The projection of the socially inept employee eventually resorted to making an uncomfortably off-color joke about his coworker Kevin in an attempt to fight off his imaginary rejection.
“What, going to the gay bars with Kevin tonight?” asked the fictional extension of Goddard, who realized immediately that, even in a scenario of his own creation, his attempts at humor were offensive, humorless failures.
Many coworkers eavesdropping from the reconstructed breakroom in Goddard’s mind told reporters that the awkward tension increased to a record high, when, in an attempt to break a particularly uncomfortable silence, Goddard asked Jessie how her dying mother was “holding up.”
With both reimagined coworkers at a loss for words, Joss just “creepily stared at her” in another bout of awkward silence. “I didn’t think I’d get out of there alive,” remarked the fictional Jessie, who mentioned that Joss always tended to make simple, everyday activities extremely uncomfortable.
At press time, fake-Goddard interpreted fake-Jessie’s inability to make eye contact with him throughout the seven-minute fantasy dialogue as a sign that she wanted him to ask her out.
