Seemingly oblivious to the looks of nervousness and reluctance on the faces of the lonely, reclusive co-eds in front of him, Earth Science Professor Eric Rama stated Tuesday that it was permissible, and in-fact encouraged, for students to work together on assignments, thereby naively assuming his students had or wanted any such friend to study with.
“When I’m going over the syllabus, I always point out the benefits of meeting up outside of class to talk through assignments together,” said Professor Rama.
“I think they always find it helpful to call each other up and bounce ideas off of one another,” continued Professor Rama, presupposing once more that his students were even the slightest bit interested in exchanging contact information, or even learning each other’s names.
Many recently alienated students did not expect Professor Rama to naively enjoin them to interact outside of class, especially given the tense and awkward silence into which the lecture hall fell when invited to consult neighbors about an iClicker question.
“I don’t know who professor Rama thinks he is in assuming that there is anyone in this class that would give me more than a polite nod, let alone their answers to the first problem set,” said LSA freshman Cassie Monroe.
Professor Rama went on to explain his pitifully misinformed educational philosophy, which emphasizes the role of “collaboration and co-teaching in attaining our goal of content mastery.”
“Of course,” the professor explained, “Each student will have to turn in his or her own work at the end of the day.”
At press time, rows of unbefriended students silently acknowledged this as their intention all along.