As a group of five life-long friends slowly crept through a decrepit and isolated cabin, sources confirmed Thursday, Ashley Prescott, a relatively minor character, acquired a sudden urge for them to “just all split up” and venture off in entirely different directions.
“We should split up,” the blondest and most attractive member of the group remarked. “We’ll cover more ground that way”.
The track star, and self-anointed leader of the group, Chad, strongly disagreed with his girlfriend’s plan, but his hopes of “getting lucky” by the end of the night was reportedly enough to change his mind.
“This doesn’t seem right,” thought the all-American hurdler , “I really like the safety and security the group offers, but Ashley says I don’t support her enough. I’m really in a bind here.”
Although Dan, the comedian of the group, strongly suggested that they stick to the plan, Horror film enthusiast sources confirmed that statistically “no one ever listens to the funny guy.”
‘It’s crazy – one minute, it seems like they might actually get out of this alive, then the next she’s asking for a death sentence,” an attentive viewer reflected on the now shirtless Prescott, her breasts exposed just long enough to give male viewers their $8 admissions fee’s worth.
The quiet bookworm of the group, Lea, having read up on her horror films simply went along with the gang’s plan knowing she would live in the end regardless thanks in part to her virtuous lifestyle and intact virginity.
“There’s no way I die in this film. Not till the sequel at least,” Lea confidently remarked relaxing on a wooden armchair as the others pointlessly hoped to survive the last hour of the film.
“I thought I was totally fucked when they’d discovered my one weakness since I obviously can’t kill all of them at once, but it was just a matter of time until that bimbo suggest they split up. I only had to be patient and wait,” chuckled the cheery, yet mysterious evil plaguing the group of friends.
At press time, viewers witnessed Prescott helplessly tripping up the stairs completely unaware that she dies first.
