White House Normalizes Relations With Cuba After Running Out of Plantain Chips

According to sources out of the West Wing kitchen, President Obama felt it would be more feasible to lift the embargo on Cuban products than to try maneuvering D.C. traffic in order to buy more of his favorite plantain chips at the store.

The overhaul of the decades long policy toward Cuba represents the stamping out of Cold War tensions, as well as the restoration of the President’s favorite guilt-free nibble post-Security Council meeting.

“I always say to Michelle, once you start poppin’ you can’t a-stoppin’.” Said Obama adding, “Fidel Castro used to say the same thing about murdering civilians. I’m here to heal diplomatic relations, and that’s all much easier when my tummy isn’t rumbling.”

According to the White House source, the market, which supplies plantains to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue “had a really long line for checkout. And there were a bunch of people in the express lane with a lot more than five items. The commander in chief just thought it would be less messy to overturn trade and travel restrictions.”

At press time, House Republicans were asking if the new diplomatic ties with Cuba will be seen as supporting a tyrant regime, while President Obama was asking if Air Force One would mind making a quick detour to pick up some cigars.

Related News