Area Woman Posts Most Ambiguous Facebook Status Yet

Noting the fact that it lacked even a hint of specificity or clues as to her current state of mind, area woman Jen Kean, 24, posted to her Facebook profile what is being hailed as her most ambiguous status yet. “Just getting back. Things are looking up, but it’s time to do what needs to be done,” the status read.

Facebook friend and former classmate Michael Hoekstra first discovered the exceptionally vague and cryptic status.

“Jen is always doing stuff like this,” Hoekstra said. “Like, she’ll post a status about how much she loves her new tattoo and then not even upload a picture of it.”

“But most recent status is without doubt the most opaque and unclear thing she’s ever posted,” Hoekstra continued. Reportedly, Hoekstra spent the better part of his evening carefully studying Kean’s Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts trying to decipher the mysterious post.

“My first thought was that she was maybe ‘getting back’ from the hospital or rehab, based on the rest of the status, but I couldn’t find any mention of that,” Kean said. “I looked through her pictures on Instagram to see if she was recently on vacation, but the location stamp on all of her pictures from the last few weeks is Novi, where she lives.”

The status reportedly came on the heels of two other posts, one claiming that Kean had left her job at Walker Analytics, and another posted immediately after stating that she had started working at Walker Analytics, which left Hoekstra exceedingly perplexed.

“Those posts led me to think that maybe something had happened at work, but if she posted one about leaving her job and then immediately posted that she was still working there, maybe it was just an accident and has nothing to do with the new status.” Hoekstra explained.

By the end of Monday evening, Hoekstra had reportedly resigned himself to texting a few friends from high school asking if they had seen the status and knew anything about it.

“My friend Gabby said that she had heard something about [Kean’s] step-brother getting arrested and it might have something to do with that, so until new information surfaces, I guess that’s a pretty good bet,” said Hoekstra.”

At press time, Hoekstra was scouring the comments under a picture of Kean’s recently deceased grandfather for hints about his cause of death to no avail

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