Citing what is believed to be caused by an average child upbringing, nine-year-old Will Tuchman confirmed that he actually thinks “[his] only limit is [his] imagination.”
“I thought he was just going through a phase,” said his distressed mother, Mary. “But when Will came home from school last Tuesday going on about his plans to one day become President, I knew it was more serious.”
Will, a 4th grader, is reportedly oblivious to the countless obstacles that will block his path to building the first “anti-gravity, edible home,” such as money, time, and the laws of physics.
Sources reported that Will, as well as the rest of his highly optimistic classmates, are in for a world of disappointment. At best, they will only only live mediocre lives, and further analysis demonstrates that Will in particular is certain to encounter numerous mornings when he won’t even be able to manage toasting a slice of bread without burning his fingers.
“Yes, Will is quite remarkable indeed,” remarked psychologist Dr. Charles Branson of Stanford University. “It appears his brainwave levels of ignorance are at such high frequencies, they actually encourage him to entertain outlandish delusions such as his ability to save his parents’ marriage and establish world peace.”
At press time, Will’s dreams of having his dog forever were shattered after Sparky was hit by a mail truck.
