Cool Dads Laud Brillig Dry Bar As ‘Neat Hangout’ For Kids Who Can’t Handle Their Shit

Since its inauguration in January of this year, Ann Arbor’s Brillig Dry Bar has garnered high praise from the cool dad community as a ‘neat’ spot to grab a pop on a Saturday night for kids who otherwise can’t seem to handle their shit.

The semi-weekly pop-up bar, which serves exclusively alcohol-free drinks, is being hailed by the University’s cool dad community as a positively “neat-orooney” alternative to frat parties and other forms of off-campus debauchery—especially for students who are less experienced in the art of keeping their shit together after a couple of Rolling Rocks and a shot of Fireball.

“Killer spot!” said Bill Gerben, father of LSA freshman Sarah Gerben. “Back in my glory days I would have been all over a place like this—that is, if I’d had a demonstrated inability to down a few light beers without making a total ass of myself, like Sarah,” Mr. Gerben continued.

“This place really has it all,” said self-identified cool dad Victor Lopez. “Shirley Temples, Pandora One, and even a few stale cookies in a tray by the hostess!”

“What more could a kid who can’t handle his shit ask for?” Lopez said. “When I take my son out to the Dry Bar I tell him he can order anything he likes, bring his girlfriend if he wants, heck—I can be cool,” added Lopez between sips from his bendy straw. “If he wants a Mountain Dew, he knows I’ll keep it between us, even though mom typically asks me to check in on that because of all the caffeine.”

“It’s really a groovy little watering hole for the under-21 set,” Lopez continued. “And in my son’s case, it’s the perfect atmosphere for a dimwit whose shit completely escapes him after a few sips of Malibu.”

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