‘No Phones In Class’ Says Big Huge Dummy

Citing the scarcity of class time and the potential distraction of mobile devices, sources confirmed last Wednesday that an AMCULT 350 class was requested to keep phones silenced and tucked away during instruction time—a request that was largely ignored because it was made by a big, dumb, stupid doofus.

“He told us he wanted the class to be ‘mindful and attentive,’” explained sophomore Eliza Doone.

“Then, he turned his big fat head down to his lecture notes and began discussing various frameworks for interpreting 19th century developments in American popular culture.”

Continued Doone, “What a jerk.”

Another pupil, Jeremy Owens, explained that the fat-face noodlehead even went as far as to include cell phone policy in the syllabus.

“He even started spouting some bullshit about how technology distracts other students as well,” Owens said. “But what does he know? He’s a such a dingus.”

When asked for comment, the silly dodo man responded that he “[spends] hours preparing to give compelling, content-filled lectures that maximize pupil engagement. [He] find[s] that the use of cell phones prevents students from being fully present in what should be a sanctuary for learning.”

At press time, the total blockhead was urging students to “take notes on this slide; this information will likely be on the exam.”

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