In an act unsurprising to her friends and acquaintances, eccentric junior Heather Sievers was seen casually reading an issue of the Michigan Daily last Tuesday, despite not personally knowing anybody mentioned in any of the articles or features.
“I spotted Heather reading the Daily in the UgLi and went over to say hi,” friend Julia Burch said. “I asked if Stephen was in it again or something and she said no. Renee? Also no. She said she was just reading it for fun, and it was super awkward. I mean, I always knew she kind of had her quirks, but her reading the Daily for pleasure was kind of off-putting.”
In addition to generally skimming the paper from page to page, Sievers allegedly even read some of its articles.
“Heather came back to our apartment and started asking us if we’d heard about how the University was developing safer lithium battery shells or some shit,” roommate Amanda Adelson said. “I was like, ‘Nooo, but that’s really interesting, Heather!’ Sometimes you just have to fake your way through conversations with your weird friends.”
“When she told me about how the Daily Arts section really sold her on the new Weezy mixtape, I was like, ‘Oh, Heather,’” added roommate Olivia Erickson. “Taking a Daily Arts review at face value? She’s kind of an odd bird, but she’s our odd bird, you know?”
The roommates have never known anybody outside of Sievers to read the Daily, except in the handful of times a friend would appear in an interview or as a guest columnist, and they believe that Sievers lacks any self-awareness about the matter.
“We’ve been kind of meaning to talk to her about how weird it is, reading the Daily and all,” Adelson said. “We were kind of hoping that we can make her more ‘normal.’ But, on Thursday, we saw her pull a copy of the Gargoyle out of her backpack, at which point we knew she was a complete nutjob and gave up any hope for progress.”