Windows 10 to Feature New, Fully Customizable Home-Screen Clusterfuck

Citing Microsoft’s new operating system as a breakthrough in user-centered design, the technology website Wired reported Thursday that Windows 10 will give PC users an unparalleled ability to customize the focal point of the new user interface: the home screen clusterfuck.

“We’ve got five weather panels, three to-do lists, a built-in Bing search bar, and a half-dozen email clients all crowding the fuck out of your visual field with the click of a button and a few compound keystrokes,” said senior Microsoft project manager Henrique Malvar.

“Your computer, your clusterfuck. That’s what we want Windows 10 to mean to the world,” Malvar continued.

With the new clusterfuck, users will be able to turn every last pixel of clean, unused desktop real estate into a custom Yahoo news feed, an eBay auction manager, or even an online casino.

Andrew Farmington, a long-time PC user, received a sneak peek of the new feature at a Seattle tech conference last week.

“With its chaotic mess of boxes, icons and buttons, Windows 8 was definitely a step in the right direction toward Microsoft’s goal of an immersive, user-centered atrocity,” Farmington said. “But Windows 10 builds on that complete visual monstrosity with an unprecedented degree of personalizability.”

“I think PC users will find Windows 10 to be an eyesore with their names written all over it,” Farmington added. “In nine different fonts.”

Related News