Expansive Field of GOP Candidates Offer Voters Choices, Pregnant Women None

In a statement released yesterday afternoon, the Republican Party celebrated the fact that its crowded nominee field for the 2016 presidential election offers its base an exceptional variety of choices, except for those who are also pregnant women, whom the nominee field offer “zero,” “zip” and “no choice whatsoever.”

“America was a nation founded on opportunity,” GOP spokesman Aaron Whittmore said. “The ability for an individual to choose what’s best for them is the cornerstone of our democracy and is reflected in the 17 potential candidates for president from which any voter gets to pick. Every citizen deserves the right to choose what they believe to be best for them. Unless that voter is a woman carrying an unwanted, unintended, possibly dangerous, or even ‘illegitimate’ pregnancy.”

The Republican Party, which has sustained criticism from Democrats suggesting that they are out of touch on women’s issues, went on to say that despite their strong anti-abortion views, their nominee field for 2016 “should definitely appeal to women,” adding, “I think we’ve even got one or two of them in there.”

“That’s just another way the candidacy field is so diverse. You, and every other U.S. citizen, can choose the nominee who truly represents what you believe in. The right to choose is fundamental,” Whittmore said.

He concluded, “Well, only if it doesn’t involve an unborn soul.”

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