Pussy State Senator Proposes Stricter Helmet Safety Law


The senator is also considering a bill to make floaties mandatory.

In an attempt to reduce the amount of serious injuries resulting from bicycle accidents, Michigan State Senator and total pussy Harrison Trombley (D-Macomb) will sponsor legislation that would require children under 18 years of age to wear a helmet at all times while riding a bicycle.

“I’m committed to a healthy Michigan, and common sense laws like these can cut down on some very serious but preventable injuries,” said the chickenshit second-year senator.

Trombley reportedly decided to propose the legislation after reading a report from a team of candy-ass pansies at the CDC that asserted children who wore helmets were far less likely to suffer severe injury than those that did not.

“I’m glad Senator Trombley brought this issue to light, and I’m also glad to say I will sponsor it,” said fellow lawmaker and known pantywaist Karen Barry (R-Oswego). “If one less family loses a child to a head or spinal injury, I’ll consider this bill a success.”

The bill has also garnered support from spineless, cowering parent organizations, such as the Michigan Parent and Family Association, said MPFA chairwoman Clara Berkeley.

“I think it’s great that lawmakers are focusing on something parents care about,” said Berkeley, who encourages cravenly parents to make their weak, coddled children wear bicycle helmets. “Like I always say, safety first.”

At press time, five other scaredy-cat senators had agreed to cosponsor the bill.

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