Despite recent attempts to calibrate his position on the continuum between insufferable arrogance and total insecurity, reports confirmed Thursday that LSA sophomore Luke Bozella is still treading a fine line between douchebag and pushover.
“I’m really good at a lot of things, but I’m not sure if I’m acknowledging that too much or too little,” said Bozella. “I don’t want to undersell myself, but I don’t want to come across as a cocky piece of shit, either.”
Bozella’s insecurity in his own level of insecurity has led to difficulties, both academic and personal, he said. “Whenever I get good grades, I don’t know if it’s because I’m smart, or my classmates are dumb, or both” said Bozella. “It’s not like I think I’m the goddamn philosopher king of STATS 250, but attributing my success to a strong work ethic and intelligence seems like a bit of a stretch.”
Bozella added that he remains unsure if his professor’s encouraging remarks at his last office hours appointment were because she actually values his contributions to the class discussions, or because she feels bad for him.
According to Bozella’s friends, his social habits are most troubling when it comes to dating. Said roommate John Allen, “Luke does this thing where he hits on girls but suddenly gets really self-deprecating about five minutes in. There’s no consistency. I don’t even think he knows what he’s trying to do.”
At press time, Bozella has elected to continue to project the noncommittal aloofness and distance that has “worked about as good as anything.”
