Student Checks That Penis Not Out Before Entering Classroom

It wasn’t out this time.

Confirming that his member was indeed covered after a trip to the bathroom, LSA sophomore Brian Jennings paused in the doorway of the classroom for COMPLIT 374 and glanced downward at his crotch before proceeding to his seat and sitting down Monday, Jennings confirmed.

“I wasn’t too concerned,” Jennings explained. “I was pretty confident that I tucked in my dick and buckled my belt before exiting the bathroom, and then when I walked down the hall I passed some people and they didn’t give me any weird looks or say anything. Still, before going into a room of people, it’s better safe than sorry.”

Jennings also prided himself on his nonchalant actions. “I do this thing where I kind of brush my thighs as if there were some crumbs before and I’m just making sure they’re off. Little do people know, I’m really double checking that my cock isn’t out.”

He continued, “If I do my brushing trick and find that I had somehow forgotten to button my pants—or missed that the head of my penis was peeking out—it would be an easy motion to subtly zip up my fly. Nobody would even realize it was ever out.”

While there have been several “close calls” recently, Jennings remains unworried that his testicles may pop out, stating, “My balls always just stick to my inner thigh.”

“Having a loose nut isn’t even on my mind,” Jennings said. “A little dribble on the pants, sure. But what can you do?”

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