Noting that she “would have brought some assets” to their student organization, members of the Student Sustainability Initiative (SSI) have reportedly missed local busty woman Allie Paling after she attended only their first meeting at the beginning of the semester.
“I think Allie really could’ve made a big difference in our organization,” said SSI treasurer Aaron McDermott. “I’ve been thinking about her ever since she sat in the front row of the mass meeting asking a bunch of good questions in that skin-tight, baby blue tank.”
According to Paling’s Facebook profile, reported SSI members, Paling is a sophomore majoring in Spanish, which would’ve been quite useful if the club ever needed a translator during a trip to Guatemala. Members also explained that Paling demonstrates a clear interest in sustainability, as she once shared a Bernie Sanders post about climate change. On an unrelated side note, members explained, Paling has a few photographs that showcase her voluptuous D-cups in various bikini tops.
“To me, Allie seemed like the kind of girl who truly advocates for investing in renewable energy, and perhaps also neglects to wear a bra on a lazy day,” said SSI vice president Julia Donnell. “We could’ve really used someone like that on our team.”
“Yeah, it’s a bummer that we lost Allie,” SSI secretary Ryan Doug added. “She had the potential to not only help reduce the carbon footprint of this university but also to maybe have to bend over to pick stuff up sometimes.”
At press time, Paling had received an email offer to assume a leadership position within the Student Sustainability Initiative, if only it would prompt the return of “that mind and those melons.”
