Campus Martyr Tells Study Group to Meet Without Him

Sheridan (pictured) said he hopes his fellow group members don’t pity him for his busy schedule.

Following a lengthy GroupMe conversation about locking down a time and location to meet that worked for everyone, college junior and revered martyr Matthew Sheridan gave his fellow group project members permission to work on the project in his absence.

Team member Danny Fidel reportedly suggested they meet sometime soon to discuss a timeline for the project despite “not wanting to be the one to bring this up haha.” Having realized that not one of the four proposed times would work for him, Sheridan heroically allowed his team to meet without him.

Said Sheridan, “Scheduling this stuff is the absolute worst—why don’t you guys meet without me. I trust you to figure out the fourth problem,” effectively sacrificing his own contributions to the project entirely.

His falling on the proverbial sword came four hours after the majority of the group agreed they could meet at the UgLi on Sunday.

According to sources, Sheridan apologized to his fellow group members that he was about to abandon, but asked for nothing in return for his sacrifice. According to fellow group member Allison Page, this is not the first time Sheridan has given himself up for the benefit of the collective.

“This is the third time ‘something’s come up’ for Matt,“ said Page. “But he always offers to ‘check everything before class,’ so I guess that counts for something.”

Visibly indisposed from his surrender for the greater good, Sheridan plans to spend the rest of his day reflecting on his saintly act by catching up on Homeland.

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