Disney Parks to Rename All Rides ‘Goofy Express’

Goofy Express is the park’s most popular attraction.

In an unprecedented business move, Disney Parks and Resorts Executive Chairman Bob Chapek announced Tuesday that each and every attraction on Disney Parks property will be rebranded ‘Goofy Express.’

“From a business standpoint, this just makes sense,” said Chapek in a press release. “Despite the vast majority of our attractions being not at all related to the Goofy character, we felt that renaming every extant ride ‘Goofy Express’ will breathe new life into the Disney Parks brand.”

Disney says that every ride in both Disneyland and Walt Disney World will be renamed Goofy Express by the end of the month, including famous attractions that were formerly known as Splash Mountain and Pirates of the Caribbean.

“We’ve found the transition not hard at all,” said Chapek. “Sure, it can get a little confusing walking around, but we’re still the same Disney Parks you know and love. There’s still all of the fun and energy of rides like Goofy Express, Goofy Express, and Goofy Express.”

Since beginning the renaming process, park attendance has increased eight percent, and Disney projects continued growth over the long run.

“Our long term plans including rebranding all restaurants and food stands as Goofy Express Cafés, and all restrooms Goofy Express Gender-Neutral Relievement Facilities,” said chief operational officer Florence Gunderson. “With increased synergy, the customer experience will only continue to get better and better.”

Disney executives have been quick to acknowledge some potential flaws in the strategy, but remain optimistic that it will be a boon to revenue.

“It’s going to take a little time to adjust,” said Gunderson. “Sure, our map system is now a little less than ideal, and our rewrites of the songs from ‘It’s a Small World’ are a bit clunky, but eventually customers will be all aboard the Goofy Express.”

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