7 Things Only Zach Will Understand

1. That time you tried to turn up the thermostat but couldn’t figure it out because Darren was fucking with it earlier.

2. When your stapler only has one staple left and it’s the sparkly blue kind.

3. When you’re watching CNN and Wolf Blitzer says the word “orange” and you remember Clara always used to wear orange, but that was before and this is now and it won’t do any good to keep torturing yourself about it.

4. When your dog runs across the dog park in a record-breaking 11 seconds and then smiles at you because he knows you’re so proud of him but doesn’t know you’re thinking of getting another dog.

5. That feeling when you’re about to pull off a perfect 360 on your skateboard but get a mental image of the time your dad said you were a disgrace and you only manage to get a 180 instead.

6. When you put a sock on the door as a warning to your roommate not to disturb you and you see the guy across from you has a fancier sock on his door.

7. The moment you came for the first time and realized that Toni Morrison’s novels provide a unique perspective that you, as a white male from Bell Acres, Pennsylvania, will never truly be able to understand, and that perhaps you lack a cultural lens necessary to truly appreciate her works.