At press time, Flint’s most at-risk citizens had taken three shots each.
Sources confirmed Thursday that in an effort to provide aid for residents affected by the Flint water crisis, Ann Arbor liquor store Beer Depot sent 500 cases of unsold Pinnacle brand Whipped Cream vodka.
“Our hearts go out to the people of Flint in this difficult time,” said Beer Depot manager Alan Copeland. “We thought we could do our part to help out our neighbors up north—you know, this really could have happened to any Michigan city. That’s why we’re unloading 500 of our finest cases of Pinnacle Whipped vodka on the good people of Flint.”
“Tragedies like this make us realize how many things we take for granted, so we want to help out in the best way we know how,” continued Copeland. “We at Beer Depot will not stop serving Flint until every resident has access to vodka that starts out smooth and goes down smoother.”
Along with the vodka, Copeland confirmed that the store has donated 30 cases of Bud Light Lime-A-Ritas, 12 bags of Andy Capp’s Hot Fries, and a few extra cans of Diet Faygo Redpop.
Flint resident Sara Jenson was surprised that Beer Depot was so willing to part with such a large amount of merchandise. “It warms my heart to know that there are people out there who care enough to give away so much and ask for nothing in return. Knowing that Michiganders like Eminem, Madonna, and Big Sean are donating money and bottled water is amazing, and Beer Depot’s generous contribution of Pinnacle Whipped vodka is just the icing on the cake.”
When reached for comment, Flint Mayor Karen Weaver stated that at the very least, the effects of the sugary, 80 proof liquor has provided her citizens with “a welcome distraction” from their deteriorating health.