Ann Arbor resident Jeff Sierra reportedly ordered a foot-long teriyaki chicken sandwich at the Union Subway this Thursday, the second half of which he inexplicably convinced himself he would end up saving for later.
“When the guy asked me what size sandwich I wanted, I froze,” said Sierra. “I knew a six-inch would be enough, but I ordered the foot-long anyway.
“Watching them cut a loaf of delicious, fresh-baked Italian Herbs and Cheese in half is so sad,” he continued. “And they never give me the bigger half! Never!”
Sierra reportedly felt confident that he would eat the second half of his sub for dinner that night, but his morale lowered as the first six inches of his sub were consumed. Mike Ramirez, the sandwich artist on duty during the incident, stated that Sierra reportedly, “…paused as he finished the first half of his sub, looked around, sighed deeply, and dove right into the second one like his life depended on it.”
“I could see the shame in his eyes,” said Ramirez. “But the poor bastard should have known better. You don’t come to Subway because you’re good at making responsible decisions.”
According to Ramirez, Sierra also ordered a drink, chocolate chip cookie, and chips in addition to his sub, despite Sierra’s New Year’s resolution to “eat more consciously.” His first choice for chips was reportedly the lower-calorie Baked Lays, but Ramirez confirmed that Sierra ultimately grabbed a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos at the last second.
