Kim Jong-un and project scientists reviewing a test toss.
Following a period of concerned speculation over reports of heavy seismic activity in North Korea, officials have declared that they have successfully tested a hydrogen bomb, which they claim “can be thrown very far.”
According to government sources, the weapon is designed with strong, high-grip handles located along the horizontal axis with which approximately 17 to 24 burly men can use to lift, carry, and throw.
“For years the hypocritical capitalist world has mocked our great nation’s technical prowess,” explained Yi Che-Son, the project director and lead scientist under Kim Jong-un, “but now it is time for them to shake with fear at the sight of several large, intimidating men preparing to throw a bomb in their direction.”
Thanks to state-of-the-art advancements in aerodynamics, the hydrogen bomb can achieve an estimated range of up to 27 yards, provided that the weather is good and the carriers “really put their back into it,” said engineers. They also reported that, if launched correctly, should have a good shot at tossing the device over the border and into South Korea.
Though confident in the sheer power they now possess, a recent military leak revealed that the government is currently working on a secret large slingshot prototype that, according to blueprints, will triple the range of the device.
“My heart fills with pride to see the product of so many years of work finally come to fruition,” said Che-Son. “It’s a new world out there, a world of advanced technological warfare. Now, it’s time for North Korea to step up to the plate and show them all who we really are.”
At press time, inside sources reported that the North Korean government was soliciting people well-nourished enough to lift the bomb.
