Area Man Concedes Date Not Quite Worth Jumbo Popcorn

“At least she didn’t want Milk Duds, too,” said Warner.

Crunching numbers on the way out of the Quality 16 Theater last Saturday, Southfield resident Garrett Warner reportedly determined that his date, Chloe Smitter, was not quite worth the jumbo popcorn they ordered.

“It’s movie theater popcorn so it’s already marked up quite a bit,” Warner told reporters. “I mean I was on board with buying the movie tickets and everything, but the jumbo popcorn was just something I hadn’t budgeted for.”

Smitter suggested the snack food when the pair walked into the theater. Warner subsequently bought the bucket and two sodas.

“I like [Smitter], and I’m glad she agreed to go out with me,” Warner said of his date, “but I’m not sure the date went well enough to justify the extra $2.99 I shelled out for her.”

The date, which in total cost just under $30, was marked by Warner forcing small talk, neglecting to hold Smitter’s hand, and failing to kiss his date goodbye.

“I mean we did finish pretty much all of it, but I felt like she had more than I did. Every time I looked over her hand was in the bucket,” Warner continued. “And I had specifically bought a popcorn in hopes that our hands would touch and it would break the ice a little, but the jumbo bucket was so big that there was no excuse to put my hand close to hers.”

“And just comparing the opportunity cost here, if I had still been dating Jessica, I know she wouldn’t have expected me to buy a jumbo. She doesn’t like popcorn that much. I really flubbed it up there.”

Sources confirm Warner was checking his bank account on the Uber ride home.

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