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Lame Duck CSG President Struggles to Push Through Fishbowl Tech Consultant Nomination

In a move that many representatives have vowed to fight, outgoing CSG...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Report: Booty Call’s Grandpa Couldn’t Have Died At Worse Time

Following a sudden heart attack on Tuesday afternoon, the grandfather...

  • Mar 18, 2016

House Party Downgraded To Pregame After Fewer Facebook RSVPs Than Expected

LSA junior Matt Copeland was forced to change the Facebook...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Local Woman Declares World War II Veteran ‘So Cute’

Noting his “kind eyes” and the “joy” with which he seemed to...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Study: Cyclists Spend 50% Less Time Wallowing In Anguish Between Classes

A new study by the University of Michigan Transportation Research...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Family Enjoys Charm, Quaintness Of Estate Built By Slaves

After enjoying a weekend away in Charleston, South Carolina, the...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Area Student Only Overachieving Due To Inescapable Fear Of Fucking Everything Up

LSA junior and serial overachiever Jacob Porter confirmed yesterday...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Girl Cringing At Middle School Photos Of Herself Looks Exactly The Same

While scrolling through old middle school pictures of herself on...

  • Mar 18, 2016

‘Let’s Not Put All Our Eggs in One Basket’ Says Man Who Has Never Farmed a Day in His Life

While working on a company project last Thursday, design team member...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Girl Not Yet Thin Enough To Exercise In Window Of Landmark Gym

Earlier this week, sources reported that local student Tori Walters...

  • Mar 18, 2016

‘We Never Watched TV in My House,’ Says Annoying Classmate

During last Wednesday’s AMCULT 341 discussion on popular...

  • Mar 18, 2016

Library Employee Caught Off Guard By Patron Trying To Check Out Book

Seeming confused as she looked up from her computer screen, Hatcher...

  • Mar 18, 2016
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