Engineering freshman Garrett Williams recently made his opinion clear that men should never be subjected to seeing or interacting with period blood, while his own bedroom is reportedly covered with the many trillions of his own sperm that never managed to make it into a female vagina.
Williams, who reportedly “jerks it” between 10 and 14 times a week, has stated that women who are on their period “just need to keep that gross shit to themselves,” and “should give a guy a warning if he’s gonna have to deal with that.”
Although Williams has never had a girlfriend, he has stated that he plans to have one one day, and that the fact that most of his room would look like a laser tag arena under a blacklight “shouldn’t concern her.”
Williams, who recently accidentally put on a sock filled with his own ejaculate, stated, “When women turn me down, I usually assume it’s because they’re moody and on their period. Which is good, because I wouldn’t want to mess with that shit anyway. I literally cannot think of anything more disgusting than my dick covered with period blood.”
According to his roommates, Williams’ penis is likely more often covered with the bacteria from everything his right hand has recently touched, including door handles, toilet seats, and his pet lizard.
Williams, who has maintained an active Pornhub account since 2007, insists that he has a plethora of sexual experience, though he claims that he refuses to perform oral sex on women. “I don’t put my face anywhere near vaginas,” he explained. “You never know when blood could just start pouring out of there. It’s disgusting.”
At press time, Williams was seen cleaning himself up with a bunch of tissues, which ultimately failed to make it into his trash can.
