Earlier this week, sources reported that local student Tori Walters has not yet reached a weight at which she feels comfortable working out near the window of the Landmark apartment complex gym.
“It really is a struggle,” said Walters. “I don’t want all of South U watching me jiggle every day, but there are only a few machines in the back. Most of the time I just end up not going to the gym at all. I have to wait until I’m thinner to go back, you know?”
Walters’ friend Katie DeMarco confirmed, “I think Tori’s gone in the Landmark gym once this year. She started running on the treadmill, but after a few glances from passersby, quickly got off. She said she’s gonna hold off on working out until she’s got a slimmer, ‘gymready’ body.”
“I’m working on my figure before I start exercising out in the open, or at all, really” said Walters. “I’ve been eating Pizza House fewer times a week and last week I took the stairs down when the fire alarm was going off in the building. It’s all about making healthy lifestyle choices that go towards that goal of being slim and trim enough to work out while the people down below look on.”
Landmark gym owner Stanley Kilfer said, “We actually support decisions like this woman’s. It’s important Landmark is seen as a castle of luxury from the outside, so we generally only encourage hot girls take those front machines, while less hot girls use the equipment further back. As for the true uggos, if they manage to live in our building, we encourage them the outsource their fitness to the CCRB or some basement yoga studio.”
Walters has reportedly taken to walking back and forth past the door to the gym, debating whether or not to go in, before deciding that walking was exercise enough and returning upstairs to look at her tummy in the mirror.
